et’s be honest: cats already behave like they own the internet.
They dominate memes, rack up millions of views, have dedicated Instagram accounts, inspire entire brands, and somehow manage to become influencers without ever attending a content strategy meeting.
So naturally, the next logical question is:
What if cats actually ran social media?
I have a few theories.
And considering Simmba has spent years supervising my own internet activities, I feel qualified to report on this important matter. 🐾
1. The Algorithm Would Be Based on Attention
Forget complicated algorithms.
The feline algorithm would have one rule:
Did you get my attention?
If yes, congratulations.
If no, your content has been banished to the shadow realm.
Cats understand something marketers sometimes forget: people don’t owe us their attention.
You have to earn it.
A beautiful graphic doesn’t automatically make someone stop scrolling. A perfectly optimized caption doesn’t guarantee engagement. Posting every day doesn’t mean people will suddenly care.
Something needs to make the audience curious enough to pause.
Cats are experts at this.
A mysterious stare from across the room?
Engagement.
A sudden sprint down the hallway?
Engagement.
Sitting inside a cardboard box despite having an expensive cat bed?
Massive engagement.
2. Every Comment Would Require a Response
Imagine commenting on a cat’s post:
“You’re so cute!”
And the cat simply responds:
“Meow.”
Mandatory engagement. Done.
Cats wouldn’t leave their audience hanging.
They would probably respond to comments, acknowledge attention, and reward people for interacting with their content.
There’s an important lesson here.
Social media is supposed to be social.
It isn’t just a broadcasting platform.
If someone takes the time to comment on your post, send you a message, share your content, or answer a question you’ve asked, that interaction is valuable.
You don’t have to respond to every single thing immediately, but treating your audience like a collection of numbers isn’t exactly community building.
Cats would understand this.
Although they would probably still ignore you occasionally.
They’re cats. We have to respect the brand guidelines.
3. The Content Calendar Would Be Completely Unpredictable
Monday:
“5 Marketing Lessons From Simmba.”
Tuesday:
Nothing.
Wednesday at 2:13 a.m.:
A blurry photograph of Simmba staring at a wall.
Engagement: 94,000 likes.
Thursday:
Nothing.
Friday:
“Meow.”
Viral.
And honestly?
There’s something marketers can learn from this.
Consistency matters, but predictability isn’t the same thing as consistency.
You don’t need to manufacture content simply because your calendar says Tuesday at 9:00 a.m.
Good content needs a reason to exist.
Sometimes that means publishing educational content.
Sometimes it’s storytelling.
Sometimes it’s something funny.
Sometimes it’s simply showing personality.
The goal isn’t to make every post identical.
It’s to create a recognizable voice people want to return to.
4. Cats Would Absolutely Understand Personal Branding
A cat doesn’t need a personal branding workshop.
They already know who they are.
Simmba isn’t going to wake up one morning and decide:
“Perhaps I should completely reinvent my identity because this particular content format is trending.”
No.
Simmba knows his brand.
Tuxedo cat.
Professional napper.
Food critic.
Occasional menace.
Full-time supervisor.
That consistency makes him recognizable.
Strong personal brands work in much the same way.
Your audience should gradually understand:
- what you talk about
- what you believe
- what makes your perspective different
- what kind of experience they can expect from you
Personal branding isn’t about turning yourself into a polished corporate mascot.
It’s about becoming recognizable.
5. The Cat Algorithm Would Reward Curiosity
Cats are naturally curious.
A strange noise?
Investigate.
A new box?
Investigate.
A closed door?
Absolutely investigate immediately.
That curiosity is exactly what makes certain content effective.
Instead of giving your audience every answer in the headline, sometimes you give them a reason to want the answer.
Compare:
“Five Benefits of Email Marketing”
with:
“Why Your Email List Might Be More Valuable Than Your Followers.”
The second creates a question.
And questions create curiosity.
Good content doesn’t always scream:
LOOK AT ME!
Sometimes it quietly whispers:
“Wait… why is that?”
And suddenly you’ve got the click.
6. The Cat Community Would Probably Be Stronger Than the Cat Content
Here’s the biggest lesson.
If cats ran social media, they wouldn’t just create content.
They’d create a community.
People don’t follow Simmba simply because he’s a tuxedo cat.
They follow because they enjoy his personality.
They recognize him.
They interact with him.
They become part of his little corner of the internet.
That’s what brands and creators should aim for too.
Your audience shouldn’t feel like they’re standing outside a shop window while you continuously shout promotional messages at them.
They should feel like they’re part of something.
That could mean asking questions.
Starting conversations.
Sharing behind-the-scenes moments.
Responding to comments.
Creating recurring series.
Letting your personality show.
Giving people a reason to come back even when you’re not selling anything.
7. The Hard-Sell Would Probably Be Banned
Cats don’t chase you around the house yelling:
“BUY THIS TOY NOW.”
They simply sit beside the toy and stare at you until you feel morally obligated to purchase it.
Different strategy.
And surprisingly effective.
The lesson isn’t that marketers should manipulate people into buying things.
It’s that constant selling isn’t the only way to market.
Sometimes education builds trust.
Sometimes entertainment creates familiarity.
Sometimes storytelling creates an emotional connection.
And sometimes the best marketing is simply demonstrating why something is useful rather than screaming that someone needs it.
People are capable of making decisions.
Give them enough information and trust to make one.
So, What Would Simmba’s Social Media Strategy Look Like?
Probably something like this:
Attention first.
Make people curious.
Personality second.
Give them something memorable.
Conversation third.
Actually interact with them.
Trust throughout.
Don’t treat every follower like a potential transaction.
And finally:
Never underestimate the power of being entertaining.
Because social media isn’t a spreadsheet.
It’s a collection of humans with limited attention spans, competing notifications, endless scrolling feeds, and approximately seventeen thousand things trying to get their attention at any given moment.
If a cat can make someone stop scrolling simply by sitting in a box, marketers can probably rethink how they’re approaching content.
The Final Word From Simmba 🐾
If cats ran social media, engagement wouldn’t be a vanity metric.
It would be the entire business model.
You’d have to earn attention.
You’d have to participate in conversations.
You’d have to build relationships.
And you’d have to give people a reason to come back.
Basically, cats would look at modern social media marketing and say:
“You have followers. Now give them something worth following.”
Then Simmba would probably knock something off the desk and walk away.
Because naturally, he has a meeting to attend.